Anger is a hideous thing.
It poisons your mind, making you believe in strange ideals, causing your faith to falter. It clouds your judgement to the point where you can not control your actions. It can turn you into a monster. Rage makes people unrecognizable, even to themselves. It tears apart relationships, shatters friendships and cuts family ties.
If you have ever lost anyone, no matter how distant, you know the devastated feeling in the pit of your stomach that follows a death. You know the sickening taste in your mouth signaling a reality check. But, do you know the hit-by-a-freight train sensation that is suicide?
I never met them. I knew them only through word of mouth, but that didn't matter. The shock hit just as hard. Cause' people are like dominos, when one falls the rest are pushed.
And boy, can you feel the weight of everyone tumbling after. Even after they are gone we, the living, are affected.
To be honest I don't understand. Death is a concept I've had to get used to recently, yet the meaning still escapes me. How can a person truly be gone if we still feel the repercussions of their actions? How could they have "passed away"? A term used to ease the pain when really, it just makes death sound more twisted. As if we're acting as someone has merely gone on long holiday. But they are never coming back. Nor can anything this severe ever be reversed.
It killed them. Blinded them, maimed their sanity momentarily. Long enough to do the deed I guess. But anger didn't just hurt them. Anger hurt everyone.
But I can't help feeling the horrible emotion that ended an existence, as much as I despise it. I wallow in a bath of frustration. What would send them into such a fury? How could we not have known? Why couldn't we stop it?
Why was living not good enough? Why were we not good enough?
That's what gets me. No matter how hard I tried, even if I had known, I couldn't save them. We're all just helpless spectators when it comes to other people's decisions. You can't change anyone's mind but your own.
Oh, but you can try. And you can feel guilty about failing. You can be frustrated by the fact you can't stop someone's pain, end their suffering without them coming to an end as well.
My mom said to be careful, because people are breakable and life is fragile. Nothing lasts forever, no matter how we wish it would. She's right, and I wish I could accept that. Too bad my stubborn heart refuses to make sense.
Anger can be silent.
Please, if you have been hurt, or are hurting yourself, know that it doesn't do any good. That there are people who care for you and love you. You are important to someone. You are important to me. Frustration passes in time. Don't let an argument ruin your life. Don't give up hope in tomorrows, or the days that follow. There are endless possibilities if you hold onto your dreams. You are strong, we can and will make it through this together. I promise. Most of all, never surrender to the demon anger can become.
Because anger can be conquered,